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Ivan

This version was saved 13 years ago View current version     Page history
Saved by Carla Arena
on April 10, 2011 at 11:09:47 pm
 

 

Paragraph Unit 1

 

Team players reach ^ goals ^ easier (wf - you need an adverb, not an adjective). They are prefered (sp) to lead hard tasks where a teamwork is necessary. They have the hability (sp) to keep co-workers motivated and focused on their company goals. Generally, the best positions in a big company are occupied by team players. Using simple skills as kindness, goodwill and sympathy, they avoid problems among their team ^ and can get the best of each one. In summary, a team player turns a hard task into a well-done job.

 

 

Dear Ivan,

 

Your paragraph is excellent with a well-developed flow of ideas. You also captured the reader's attention concluding your thought with an impacting sentence. Fantastic! There are just some small details to be edited. I'm sure you know the true meaning of what it takes to be a team player.

 


 

"To be or not to be, that is the question".
What does this sentence mean? Don't ask me, only Shakespeare had the answer, or not...
I've never worried about how would be the future.
Plans, programs and expectations have never walked beside me. I've just lived my life. If I'd want something, I worked on it and got it. Of course I'm talking about simple and reachable things as traveling on the next weekend or buying a gift for my girlfriend on Valentine's day. I've bought my first car, an old and unfashionable model, by this way: aim, work and get it.
It was in the sweet and golden teenage years, but ^ established a way of life. I was very happy doing everything I would want fearless. Almost irresponsable (sp/wf)  but, for sure, happy(sp/wf). When you love your way of life big problems become silly and small victories become pride.
But - and the life have a lot of "buts" -  even good things get boring and some adjustments are needed.
Around the age of 25 Shakespeare and the Hamlet's question put me against the wall for the first time and I decided to get marriage (vf) and start a family. That old way of life was no longer possible. I started to ask how plans, savings and hard work could share the same space of fun, free thinking and a little bit of irresponsability (sp). A hobby was the answer.
I've known my skills with my hands because I've always been good to fix things as stopped watches, broken radios and even a leaking sink. So I've started to project and assemble speaker boxes. I could join woodwork with eletronic stuff and good music. Some years and speaker boxes ahead (ww), I decided to build a wood bench and after a table and other furniture. All that mess was perfect!
But, nowadays, a new "but" takes me directly in front of Shakespeare again. I can almost see the skull in my hands...
The question is the same but the answer, ask me in a couple of years.

 

 

 

Write the second version of your text just below the first. Click on "edit" and then "save".

 

vt - wrong verb tense

vf - wrong verb form

sp- spelling

wf - wrong word form

^ - something missing

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